on a not so beautiful day....

  
Feelings of hate have turned me inside out. The monster has emerged; come near if you can handle the depth of it all. Tearing you into pieces… Let me school you. Fuck it, not caring enough about you. Chained and slaughtered by discouraging words, and discomforting emotions. Wishes of abandoning my identity might be disturbing; to me it’s a release of hate and well-deserved embraced freedom. A person who has painted a faded picture for them should only blame herself. The happiness of becoming inferior is overwhelming. Unknowingly, tears of hate have strayed me from love. This world is not evil in itself, but one who lives a lifestyle of a one way road has not only destroyed me but has made me evil. When thinking of others loosing their lives over pain they are temporarily embracing, has me second-guessing life. There is a life outside the bubble. Built by followers and destroyed by leaders, the tight space of lost ambition is the reality. I blame me. An encounter with a genuine person is temporary you are blinded by a vision of happiness for that moment then hit by reality. See, every emotional decision of life is for every leaf on the hated branch, which is connected to the beautiful tree. Hate is bound to follow me. It’s found comfort in me. I’m not sure for the pain but I am the only one to blame. Release me from the oath of punishment. Accountable for my own path all I can say is fuck you. It hit me harder than most and the manifestation of my life has unraveled into things I did not expect. Unsure of the reasons why I placed these vile feelings and unrealistic notions in my head, I still believe in a better me. And thanks to me the harsh actualities of my life are now weighing heavily on my heart. Caused by my own thoughts and assumptions, hate has granted me a wish. I wish I never did what I did, and I wish I never let these false words steer my outlook on my own life and decisions.